Dear body, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ve put you through hell I’m sorry I starved you when you were hungry I’m sorry I wouldn’t let you keep food in your stomach I’m sorry I poked and prodded and pulled at you I’m sorry I called you fat and ugly I’m sorry I said you weren’t… Continue reading
So in therapy yesterday we were talking about how I’m unwilling to change and take control, and by holding onto my ED I can’t prove people that I am better, so I hold myself to their standard. I’m contemplating. I’m ambivalent about getting better, but at the same time, I am desperate to be normal,… Continue reading The Contemplation Phase
Life is not being very kind at the moment, and I know technically I control most of my life, but right now my life is controlling me, my eating disorder, my depression and my anxiety, are all being a real pain at the moment. It’s hard to see that things are going to get better,… Continue reading It all feels like too much at the moment
So I was midway through reading my book on BPD, and it hit me that in approximately 8 years, I’ll be 28, hopefully with a job, possibly a partner, thinking of children and buying a house; it scared me. I am terrified of ageing, and it’s a regular thought I have to quiet because thinking… Continue reading the dreaded ‘s’ word, suicide.
If we don’t ground ourselves, we’ll be swept away by the river that is the media, news, work, friends, relationships, goals and life; so how do we stay well when life is testing our limits? That’s the question that I’ve been pondering in my therapy and dietetic sessions, what can I do to keep myself okay?… Continue reading staying well in a fast-paced world
So, a lot has happened in the past 12 weeks or so, I’ve gone from getting Edie, to adopting two guinea pigs, finishing college, going on a brief break to the south coast, I’ve decided to start university this year and not defer, I’ve reconsidered which university I want to study at and am going… Continue reading I’m going to University!
I don’t quite know where to start. Mental health is such a roundabout topic in my life, better worse better worse, better. I’ve been trialling lamotrigine, or Lamictal, for a few months now and I have to say it’s okay, no side effects, however, I haven’t noticed massive mood stabilisation. I have just been upped to… Continue reading A brief mental health update and what I’m actually doing with my life