Just to note it down this is what happened on Friday:
I had a cover teacher for psychology. I don’t like him. He told the class that as no one was covering us period 3 we could arrive for class in time for period 4. I didn’t feel right, my thoughts were so strong and so I decided to go and see my head of year at break. I told her it felt worse than the last time I was in crisis, that if last time was a 2/10, this was a 1/10. She rang camhs and asked for them to ring me. She said I could sit in her class periods 3 + 4 so that I was being watched and could leave to answer my phone when camhs rang. CAMHS rang me and I didn’t answer, I left the room and got a text from my nurse saying to text her when I could speak. I text her back and she rang again.
I told her the bad thoughts were worse and that they wanted me to OD. She asked if I wanted an appointment and I said I didn’t know. She told me I had to have one, either with her at 2, or P at 3. I said 2 because I prefer her. She asked if I had anymore drugs on me, I said yes, she said get rid of them, I said no. My HoY left class and came to find me. I was sat on the floor by the library. I told H she was coming towards me. H asked to be put on the phone to her. She told her I had an appointment at 2. She told her about the meds. Miss S said I could give them up them up voluntarily or she’d search me. I went back to the classroom. At the end of class she searched me even though I gave her a packet. She found another packet in my bag.
I went to camhs. H was lovely. We discussed everything that had led to me feeling as bad as I was. P arrived halfway through. They asked if I wanted him to stay, I couldn’t say no. H suggested hospital, I said no, the idea is now growing on me. She asked if the home treatment team could come over on the weekend and I said no as then mum would need to know what was going on. She said she was worried about my safety. I had to convince them that I was well enough to leave and that I could keep myself safe. I lied. I didn’t feel safe.