To me, being successful means reaching my goals, being happy and living looking forward, not back. For me, sometimes success is getting out of bed and feeding myself, other times success is forcing myself to stop working and knocking myself out with sleeping pills so I actually get some rest. Success isn’t just measured by… Continue reading what does being successful mean to you?
It’s not padded cells, constant restrain and rapid tranquillisation, in fact its more mindfulness, colouring and crying. Everybody is ill, even the staff often have backgrounds of mental illness. You can’t judge people because most the time when ill, they aren’t truly themselves. You learn to be compassionate and understanding, and that a cuddle from… Continue reading What being inpatient is actually like
I am running on air. There’s nothing keeping me going, yet somehow I keep moving and I don’t know how long this will last? I can’t stop thinking and it’s draining me, I want peace and quiet again and a break from thinking and arguing with my head. It’s probably one of the most difficult… Continue reading My brain is tired and overloaded
So I had an appointment on Tuesday at 4 with H, the nurse covering whilst P is away. It was tough. We completed an eating disorders questionnaire EDE-Q 6 which was hard as I had to give answers aloud to H as she was reading the questions to me. I tried to be honest, I… Continue reading Update, four CAMHS appointments later
What do we do? How do we learn to swim when the currents are so strong? How do we keep our head above the water? How do we get back to a depth where our feet can touch the bottom? These are questions I’ve been wondering about. Even when our eating disorders grip is holding us tightly,… Continue reading When drowning in an eating disorder
So currently I’m sat in the car in the Tesco car park waiting for my mum to go and exchange a jar of biscoff that’s supposedly ‘contaminated’ and has been recalled. She’s in a strop with me because I want to go to Sainsbury’s and she doesn’t want to be near me because apparently my… Continue reading A message from the car
So I’m back at school today after two days off and I’m so nervous, I know two days doesn’t seem like much but in sixth form the work load is so big that it’s easy to fall behind. Given that I was already behind I’m not even more in trouble…. I’m glad I didn’t push… Continue reading Back to school